Thursday, December 11, 2008

What doesn't breaks us only makes us Stronger

You must been wondering where the heck am I for the past 2 weeks.
I was gone from Facebook, Plurk, and MSN,
I only reply your messages after 2 am in the morning, (soree guyszz)
My DiGi line is always out of bound.
And you don't see me during Yum Cha Sessions in ipoh....

I was in MyLDS, if you were wondering whatz what, Thatz the Malaysian Leadership Development Seminar organized by AIESEC in Malaysia... Yea yea, another leadership seminar. I've been to a total of 6 of these seminar in my life, its is all pretty similar..

Well, thatz what I thought....... until what happened in the past 7 days changed my perspective of my life forever...

A month ago, I already had a mental preparation on how the things are going to go. When i thought I'm in control, I lost everything the moment I entered the Hall...

Imagine you are an athlete, you train so hard till the extend YOU THINK you can't improve anymore and YOU THINK you are the best of all as YOU ALSO THINK that no one had been through the extra mile you did. After that, you enter the arena only to realise that everyone is almost as strong as you and some even stronger then you...

Thatz an analogy I can use now. The moment i entered the plenary, I actually had goosebumps for the first time after many many years. I remembered the last time I had that was during Band Competition in 2002 when I saw how AMC performed.

Same Fear, 7 years Later

Its pretty intimidating to see so many student leaders gathered together in one place, where everyone is the same as m and suddenly when I think my building process is over, it starts all over again.. Pretty Crappy isn't it, but this is the point where i knew I had to change my mentality to benefit from the conference as much as possible.

But there is only one thing i regreted most about this seminar, Its when I screwed up the Mock Member Committee President Election manifesto. I just filled up the form hastily and handed in. Even now, sometimes I don't believe I produced such low quality answers myself. Though this is only the mock elections, its better for me to screw up now rather than screwing up the real elections because by then, Its already too late. I felt bad after that when i got to know I wasn't shortlisted for the next round.My emotions got worst when I knew I had let my team down. I was angry at myself. I know quite a number of them expected me to at least advance to the next round but sad to say, it didnt happened. This is a huge turning point for me.

I know that when I fail, I will let my friends down as well because they had put such a high expectation on me...

Never in my life people have hopes on me. I'm often seen as the follower rather then a leader. Its through Aiesec, people see me in a different light. To make things better, I was able to inspire my team mates in the Mock Local Community to continue striving in Aiesec. Only then, I know, I want to lead not because of the status, but because of my passion.

I always have the wrong mindset of wanting to run for higher positions during High School to gain recognition from others. In the real world, you got to work for recognition, you cant earn it with sweet talking or giving out empty promises that I myself doubt of. You got to work for it as action speaks louder than work. I'm not the type of person who brats about things which I've done for them and I'm glad people are starting to see it in me.

Though there was a little set back, but things are still good in the end. More importantly, I've learn a very valuable lesson today. Never let your people down as they don't simply put hopes on you.

To LC USM, thanks for supporting me so much. I also like to apologise that I've kept my feelings for so long until the very last night. What I told you guys during the last sharing session is real. I felt that there are things you guys need to know that night and i knew if I don't tell you all, I will regret it even more then the Mock MCP elections incident. Thanks for believing in me still and I wont let you guys down again ya. There are a lot of you calling me to run for LCP position, I will deeply consider that alright and no matter that my decision is, It an outcome of deep review and considerations in my abilities.As I say, I will never let you down again by making stupid decisions.

Thatz all from me, I got to go to singapore now... I will post up pictures of MyLDS in the next post together with day by day review (if tina post up photos of course..haha)..

Thanks a lot once again, from the bottom of my heart....