Friday, August 29, 2008

Jaded

At a mamak stall nearby for dinner.....

Xin Yi : You look kinda stress bro after the sem break.


Me : Do I? Or do you mean I look very relaxed before this? haha..( faking laughs)

Xin Yi : No lah, you looked tired, thatz all. Pretty busy huh in uni.

Me: Yea, I guess so........


Busy? Ain't I busy all my life? In school, in sixth form, in the band, in Citrus. But i had always keep up with a smile and hope people will at least think that every little thing is gonna be alright. But why so tired lately. I know Venodth will say the same old "Why so Serious?" phrase when he sees me like this. Haha...

A lot of things had been running in my head. I tried to delay those problems but I know sooner or later reality will just smack me right on my face. I ain't tired because of all the assignments and stuff. I am not physically tired either. Whatz bothering me is my mental fitness I think. I don't think i have to tell anyone about how am I lately before this but just for the sake of the blogsphere, I will just tell you whatz bothering me now. After all, here is the place where I can Unmasked, just like the title header.

I think most of my friends know what my true ambition is. Which is to be a Petroleum engineer or scientist. When I first step into USM, I've already put a lot of effort to let my dreams go by and concentrate on becoming a statistician in the future. Everytime when i sit in front of the computer to do my assignment, I tell myself that this is so just not me. I am a hands on person. I like to get my hands dirty when I am doing my work. I am not the type of people who sits around some cubicle in some office doing computer-generated-work. In fact, ever since I was young, I was exposed with all those engineering life by people telling me that the most successful person in the world are those who is willing to get their hands dirty and do their work, not those who sit in some cosy office and boss people around. The "office" time will come when we work to the top of the engineering level.

Statistic?, My hands are clean...haha...

Okla, this is a bad joke as my coursemates are taking it as well. Actually all this were brought back up during the Kampar UTAR trip last week when i met up with William who is on Petronas Scholarship doing Petroleum Engineering in UTP. When he talks about Shell, Petronas, ExxonMobil, and Schulmberger. It caught my attention on. These are the companies I used to aimed for last time for my future. When he explains about how drilling works and the oil supply of the world are still in mass abundance,I was pretty intrigue and it makes me reminisce about my old days in sixth form telling people why i wanna study things like GeoPhysics next time in the varsity.

Now, the problem is this.... Should I go ahead with my dreams and leave my friends behind here in USM or should i save time, stay put in USM instead and continue the life I have now. Life now is not bad, but the problem is the dilemma i always have in my head whether should I go on or not. I kinda have a few sleepless nights since the meeting with William. Everynight, i will muse for sometime about it before I sleep and before i know it, it is way passed bedtime already. Every morning I told myself to wake up from my dreams and shrug the dilemma away for the next day.

But in actual fact, how many more days can I do this? Application for UTP is going to open in 2 to 3 months time. If i still can't decide by then whether to stay put in USM or go to UTP, I will have a bigger headache. Another option is to apply into geophysics in USM. That will give me what I wanna study and in the ideal varsity of my choice. But being in that situation will have a hefty price to pay, I got to study my head off to get a high CGPA in my current course and then catch up with the studies in GeoPhysics if i get accepted into. And the most expensive price is, I waste one year in USM.

A lot of people told me that one year ain't much to bear. But when you see your friends being in second year and you still stuck in first, I'm sure you feel uneasy but thatz the price to pay for being in the best situation. Life as a Malaysian Chinese isn't easy. A lot of paths aren't for us to decide, such as getting into a good course, in a good varsity but entirely not our choice. These kind of situation are what that mess up your sanity.

So do I still look tired to you? If yes, you will know why...
and one more thing, deep intervention sought here, please feel free to comment,
if you wanna smack me to reality, go ahead too.. I can handle.. haha..

cyaz....

Thursday, August 14, 2008

First Step

People always say that the first step is the hardest.
It is true, because it involves courage, guts and calculated risk. But once you made it, the rest just falls into place.

As you read from my last post, you know, I HAD a really hard time here. I was just a 'gaijin' in this part of the world where no one speaks my language . Initially, I found a group of Banana Republicans, but somehow or rather, its hard to mix with them as they are from the different faculties...

4 days later, I got fed up of eating and seating alone in the lecture hall. I am a social creature back in high school.. I know I can die without interaction. So I went and join my coursemates and today, I roughly have 12 to 15 new friends which can be considered closed enough to work and cling together for the next 3 years.

Assimilating in the group was tough. I admit I have a bad memory but when it comes to mandarin names, it got worst!.. Then i found out I wasnt the only one having problems remembering their name. Even the chinese speaking people have some problem as everyone's name sounds the same..haha.. Mine was the easiest to remember, Wilson. The name got so marketable because it was the only English name around. So when the people from Maths school calls my name, everyone knows roughly who the bloke is.

Till now, I speak minimal english around here except with my roommate and michaelians. I can't speak in a full sentence these days as my mandarin is still pretty bad. Surprisingly, Cantonese is still conversable here.. People from KL, Kuantan and Kemaman are able to speak perfect cantonese. The Penangites just follow through la... Luckily they dont speak hokkien that often coz if they really do, I'll die.. haha...

My new bunch of friends was kinda different la.. Jokes were different, topics weren't the same as SMI and even the wavelength is somehow different..haha.. But after a day or two, I began to assimilate into the group of new buddies. To judge whether you "are" in the group or not is simple... just check whether you can laugh at their jokes or not.. If you can, you are in!
It is a weird parameter but it is pointless when you join into a group of people where you can't
even share their laughter. If you cant do that, how can you even share the hardtimes together?

People from my course are kinda cool la. Apparently I was told by my seniors that Stats students are the most happening among the 5 majors in the Maths school along side with the Operational Research (OR) students. No wonder the Stats and OR student always claim the exco post for the maths school.
I did my observations la.
The Pure Maths student never talks, and always work alone.
Mathematical Modeling students are the "loud" type of people.
Mathematics Econs student are more like human but there are a lot of small clusters among them.
Stats and OR always cling together in the big group and do almost everything together.
Probably this is what they called happening la. In SMI i was in the "happening ones" and in USM, I'm glad to be in it too..haha...

"People usually add years to their life, but not life to their years"

To live a meaningful life, be happening... haha.. okla.. i think i got to go now. Its getting late and I need to walk back to my room..lol....btw..Here is the list of the new found friends with the names on it so you will know why I have tough times remembering their names..haha...

Gwee - roommate/Muar/ management
Min Sheng - Muar / Stats
Jian Hau - Ipoh/ Stats
Sheng Er - Ipoh/ Stats
Hoon Ching - Kemaman, Terengannu/ OR
Kam - Kuantan/ Stats
Kelly - Melaka/ Stats
Su Qing - Penang / Chemistry
Gui Song - Penang/ Bio
Jia Yu - Ipoh/ Education
Ee Kee - Penang/Stats
Chee Yan - Penang/Stats
Xiang Yi - Seremban/ Stats
Hui Yean - KL/ OR
Choon Quan - Penang/ OR
Tung Hui - Penang/ OR
Wei Bin - Kulim/ OR
Khairy - Penang/Stats
Ah Tong (he is a malay btw) - Penang/ Stats
Chen Leng - Penang/ Maths & Econ
Eng Sim - Penang/ Maths & Econ
Xin Yi - Klang/ Accountancy
Xin Hau - Penang / Maths & Econs...

if you wondering how i manage to remember... I have their phone number in my HP..haha.. thatz a method la... okla... i gtg now.. BTW, if i missed out anyone, I'm really sorry and please give me your phone number too... lol..

cyaz...
and I am finally coming back to ipoh... Saturday afternoon...