Sunday, March 29, 2009

Stars Fading

Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath.....

Its been 4 year and reality never smack that hard on my face before.
My dream of working in an open ocean oil rig came to an end today....
It all ended when Dr Noordin told me it was extremely difficult to get into geophysics based on my STPM results. However, he told me to take up masters in geophysics,
but seriously, that is the future. 3 years down the road, can I still make it?

I didn't know how much would my disastrous STPM result will effect me till today.
Just when I thought I can change my past and start anew, past failures come haunting me again..

I guess, there is no such thing as running away from history. When your record is scratched, nothing can mend it except a time machine to bring my back to 2007. I really wish i can go back to 2007 and bash up the old lazy me who is unwilling to work and take things for granted.

I know I've changed pretty much today compared to 2007. But sometimes, its just too late. The lesson here is

"Change your destiny when you still have the chance. Change it now, never wait for tomorrow"

When people tell me the last 8 weeks before STPM can change your life for the next 40 year, it is really true, I truly and regretfully understand it today.
I should had change it back in 2007....... in 2009, its all over.

I really don't know how should I act now. I'm surely not happy, but I can't spread the infectious emotional virus to my friends around me. Seriously, I think my coursemates won't understand my emotions now as they all hope I can stay in Applied Stats.

For the first time, I really feel like crying, but I really don't know how. The only thing I need to tell myself is to move on and live your current reality. This period will be a lone journey as I don't expect people to understand my passion to work in the middle of the ocean.

I only know now I need to accept facts that I need to work well in my finals next month so I wont regret in the future like now. This is tough and why god put me in such paths. Just to understand pain better than other people?

Do I really deserve this?
Yes I do,
And you can just put the blame on me. I don't have excuses

Pull me through..... pull me through... please

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Isn't it a little too late?

Its had already been 10 months in USM....

And I only start to cherish my coursemates now.....

I seriously regret my actions of not acknowledging them as my closest friends as they had already treated me one of their own long long time ago. Its only till yesterday in the Maths Night I realize this might be the last Maths Night I'm attending. I MIGHT be entering the School of Physics next year...

They had indeed been a great bunch. The thing I appreciated the most is having they accepting me in their activities even though I am huge language barrier. Sometimes having them speaking Cantonese for me makes me feel kinda happy as I can communicate!! haha...
As return, I minimize my usage of English as I know they doesn't feel comfortable with it...

1 more month left, and only I realize the importance of Non- AIESEC friends... yikes...