Thursday, December 11, 2008

What doesn't breaks us only makes us Stronger

You must been wondering where the heck am I for the past 2 weeks.
I was gone from Facebook, Plurk, and MSN,
I only reply your messages after 2 am in the morning, (soree guyszz)
My DiGi line is always out of bound.
And you don't see me during Yum Cha Sessions in ipoh....

I was in MyLDS, if you were wondering whatz what, Thatz the Malaysian Leadership Development Seminar organized by AIESEC in Malaysia... Yea yea, another leadership seminar. I've been to a total of 6 of these seminar in my life, its is all pretty similar..

Well, thatz what I thought....... until what happened in the past 7 days changed my perspective of my life forever...

A month ago, I already had a mental preparation on how the things are going to go. When i thought I'm in control, I lost everything the moment I entered the Hall...

Imagine you are an athlete, you train so hard till the extend YOU THINK you can't improve anymore and YOU THINK you are the best of all as YOU ALSO THINK that no one had been through the extra mile you did. After that, you enter the arena only to realise that everyone is almost as strong as you and some even stronger then you...

Thatz an analogy I can use now. The moment i entered the plenary, I actually had goosebumps for the first time after many many years. I remembered the last time I had that was during Band Competition in 2002 when I saw how AMC performed.

Same Fear, 7 years Later

Its pretty intimidating to see so many student leaders gathered together in one place, where everyone is the same as m and suddenly when I think my building process is over, it starts all over again.. Pretty Crappy isn't it, but this is the point where i knew I had to change my mentality to benefit from the conference as much as possible.

But there is only one thing i regreted most about this seminar, Its when I screwed up the Mock Member Committee President Election manifesto. I just filled up the form hastily and handed in. Even now, sometimes I don't believe I produced such low quality answers myself. Though this is only the mock elections, its better for me to screw up now rather than screwing up the real elections because by then, Its already too late. I felt bad after that when i got to know I wasn't shortlisted for the next round.My emotions got worst when I knew I had let my team down. I was angry at myself. I know quite a number of them expected me to at least advance to the next round but sad to say, it didnt happened. This is a huge turning point for me.

I know that when I fail, I will let my friends down as well because they had put such a high expectation on me...

Never in my life people have hopes on me. I'm often seen as the follower rather then a leader. Its through Aiesec, people see me in a different light. To make things better, I was able to inspire my team mates in the Mock Local Community to continue striving in Aiesec. Only then, I know, I want to lead not because of the status, but because of my passion.

I always have the wrong mindset of wanting to run for higher positions during High School to gain recognition from others. In the real world, you got to work for recognition, you cant earn it with sweet talking or giving out empty promises that I myself doubt of. You got to work for it as action speaks louder than work. I'm not the type of person who brats about things which I've done for them and I'm glad people are starting to see it in me.

Though there was a little set back, but things are still good in the end. More importantly, I've learn a very valuable lesson today. Never let your people down as they don't simply put hopes on you.

To LC USM, thanks for supporting me so much. I also like to apologise that I've kept my feelings for so long until the very last night. What I told you guys during the last sharing session is real. I felt that there are things you guys need to know that night and i knew if I don't tell you all, I will regret it even more then the Mock MCP elections incident. Thanks for believing in me still and I wont let you guys down again ya. There are a lot of you calling me to run for LCP position, I will deeply consider that alright and no matter that my decision is, It an outcome of deep review and considerations in my abilities.As I say, I will never let you down again by making stupid decisions.

Thatz all from me, I got to go to singapore now... I will post up pictures of MyLDS in the next post together with day by day review (if tina post up photos of course..haha)..

Thanks a lot once again, from the bottom of my heart....

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Now... I feel like going home..

It pretty weird to when I didn't want to go home for the past 4 weeks,
Its not like I don't wanna go back la but I just don't have the urge to...
I came back to the varsity yesterday for my last paper tomorrow...

Its only now, I really feel like going home...
The uni doesn't feels like the usual anymore...

Most of my friends are gone back home...
There are only a few rooms lighted up on my floor
The mamak is deserted..
The cafe is empty...
Life just isnt here anymore...

From yesterday till now I only slept around 4 hours... This make things worst as I'm feeling pretty fatigue rite now from the studying.....

I really need a break, a real one and i'm looking forward to finish up my exams tomorrow....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

How Far I've Come..

Hey fellas... Hows life treating you?
I know some of you had been surfin in and out of this site to check whether I've update my blog on my Birthday but sorry to say.. I was really really busy, even on my birthday....
Now that all of my core papers are over, I think I can steal some time from my Minor paper to blog..haha

Neways, my Birthday lasted 3 days.. lol...

8th Nov - Pre-Celebration at pizza hut and tanjung bungah with Maths School Coursemates
9th Nov - .....
10th Now - Post - Celebration at Gee Tomyam with fellow AIESECers..


You got to be wondering whatz up with all the dots there on the 9th... Itz because I did nothing at all on that day. It was a peculiarly ordinary day in fact.. Everything was plain normal right from the morning i woke up, study and sleep and night... Kak Izzatti told me that I have to get used to it for another 3 years at least.
In actual fact, it wasn't that bad la.. I got pre and post celeb, what more can I ask for?

However the point is, this birthday is a near perfect parameter of the situation right now...
I can really see the difference in my situations back in June and now in November. In just 5 months, things had been like heaven and earth.

5 months ago, all this seems impossible. A place in a varsity seems tough enough already, what more a birthday celebration where I still have people around me to celebrate with. Then came july and my luck started to change up till now...

Having a birthday celebration this year is like Miracle, having my coursemates and aiesecers around, its Magic.

Hence thanks everyone for remembering my day.. I really want to post some photos but it seems that they havent do so in FaceBook, so i'll do it in the next post...

take care people.. i've got to continue my work.. cyaz aitez.. and thanks... from deep down my heart

cyaz and thanks people

Friday, November 7, 2008

Lone Battle

When you feel the weight of the world is on shoulders, what do you do?

You give up?

You dream of getting away?

Or you work on?


This is one of the question I threw to myself before my exam this morning.

Today I had one of the heaviest examination sessions of my life. 6 hours of Calculus and Statistic. After the exam, I got so numb that the only thing I felt is the chest pain I got halfway during my statistics examination.


When I was going through calculus this morning, I observed a lot of things. It doesn’t mean I’m dreaming or spacing, but how do you expect me not to see things happening beside me?

There were a total of 9 people around me in the examination hall….

The first one left an hour later, then followed by the second guy 30 minutes later. At the end of the exam, there are only 4 people left around my table… I was really tempted to go out and give up on my exams because it was so bloody tough. It was even tougher then STPM my god!! To make things worst, my statistics was even tougher than calculus.


I was so torn apart, flipping through questions like nobody’s business. And then a vague voice came in my head.



Giving up? Is that even you?



What the hell, my head is talking to me? I got to be crazy, Wake up my boy!! Cripes!!

And is that moment, I know, I need inspiration quick…

Obama.. that didn’t do the trick..

He is an inspiration to me but that thatz a whole different inspiration


In search for inner strength, I remembered my journey to the university… Now, thatz not an inspiration, thatz a reality check… But it worked…


4.30 pm : Pens down, eyes shut, air grasped…. And right in that moment, I knew, things aint gonna change if I give up now. The hardest man to fight in endurance like this is yourself because in the exam hall, you are not sparring against the paper, you are sparring with yourself. The lazy self against the hardworking one, the hard headed one against the side where you will give up .


4.33 pm : All eyes on the paper again and this time, I will try to do everything in it…

You’ll find it funny when 3 minutes can change someone’s preference just like a snap of a finger. It is this 3 minutes, I renewed my endurance and I was able to sit through the paper till the very end.


Though the paper was tough (It was bloody tough!!!), I know I had tried my best. Though my best wasn’t enough in some contexts but I’ll still have to move forward as my journey doesn’t ends here.


I'll take a rest from here.. cyaz

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Hot Potatoes

Ahha... I know this is a funny title for a post...

It is actually a game I played in AIESEC.... It goes something like this. Everyone forms a circle, and each circle of approximately 10 people will be given a potato. Then we actually need to toss the potato around by calling the person's name in the opposite side. It was quite easy at first when we have only one potato.. But things got tougher and tougher when we are given more and more potatoes...

Anyhow... the moral of the game is....
We are quite efficient when handling a singular task.
But things get tougher when we have to multi-task...

My situation now = hot potato...

hahaha.... Yea, it had been quite stressful this week and the next 2 weeks ahead. All i ever did was waking up and start studying... The only thing which keep my head on the ground is by not turning nocturnal. Being a nocturnal creature is the last thing I need during this season as I dont want my mind to be in sleep-mode when i'm in the examinations hall...


Here are my bibles...lol... How far I'll go in the exam will depend on these books..



Welcome to my tactical office.. There is only room for one... lol



Thatz me.... Man At Work

Thatz all from me...Yea its a very short post as I dont have much time after studying.. My eyes are kinda heavy le...anyway I'll have another post on tuesday i hope as it will be a very special day.. (Hidup Obama!!)

take care and continue ur hard work!!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Wings to Fly

I'm so refeshed and recharged rite now...
Back in my home, to a place where I belong......
And all I ever did from yesterday till today is sleep...

This sleep ain't the same as last time where I slept to kill time... Thatz laziness..
The sleep I had now is to restore my energy which i had lost for the past 3 weeks.. so its diff la okay

Don't worry, tomorrow I will kickstart my engine once again for the next 3 weeks...
But as usual, I need inspiration to work on... last three weeks, the motivation came from me not being able to go home for mom's birthday. How about now?... Believe it or not, it came from youtube...

Remember the good old adverts from petronas. Yea, it always work well in getting messages across and some of it gets my eye watery sometimes... But this one does inspire me a lot...



Its the new deepavali advert from Petronas....
Its about this father who works hard so that one day his son can achieve his ambition to become a pilot...
The story is so simple, yet, we can relate it to our life...

We all have tough times... Like my mom said, it is up to us whether we want to make the best out of it or not... Even through tough times, courage, determination and lots of love can give us wings to fly... Anything less will leave us stranded not knowing what to do...

As a person who has big goals in life, tough times are always here for me to endure. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. But I was born with love and care. Love from my family and sooner in live, love from my friends as well. If I ever said i give up during this process, I will just waste their hope and expectations on me...

In the end, giving up ain't a choice for me. I only have a choice to be courageous to face the task, determine for success, or all of it.

Thank you god for giving me a wake up call that I shall not fail any of them as they already gave me wings so I can fly high next time...

cyaz people... and good luck in your examinations...

Friday, October 24, 2008

Pulling Through

Fooh.....
Itz finally over...
Itz not that over yet la coz i still have the exams but at least my 3 hectic weeks had past by just like a snap of a finger....

For the past 2 to 3 weeks, things was kinda "weird" for me because I've never had such hectic schedule for a long time already. The last time i remembered was June 2005 where I have to juggle concert and marching practices alongside with exams. Its quite similar now actually with me juggle multiple tasks.

There was even once where i had to be in 2 places at one time...
GOD!!! why people always need to screw up my schedule by having extra classes that clashes with my current class?!!!
nvm, its over... now... relax....

I find it quite funny though during the rush.. the only thing i thought of are my home and more time. I only miss home when i'm messed up.. lol... I'm not too sure about that but thatz at least what my mom told me

Amidst all of that craziness, I do understand that human's utmost potential is unleash when their situation pushes them to the limit.

Like people say, you wont draw out the trump card until you really have to. I did not draw out any card la but I know why people are at their best when they are on a rush. It it because they have no time to for error. In other words, they have no time to waste and no time to crap either. Everything they do have to be accurate as they dont have time to run trails and error. Hence, their best ideas and work comes out this way

Of course, people of such can be pretty ruthless. They can be kinda cruel in slashing crappy ideas of other people like no body's bussiness. And to make them feel like thier time is used wisely, they expect you to follow thier ideas... aikz..

Pro and cons la... you know the game....

I've become a bit of those in the past week but luckily i didnt hurt anyone.... I really need my old self back, hence i'm going back to ipoh... To get some rest and self reflection and of course to gear up for my exam as well

cyaz people and hopefully all changes in me for the past 3 weeks are for the good...

Bye USM and Hello Ipoh.... I'll be back in penang by tuesday..

Monday, October 20, 2008

Reasons...

Hey people.. I'm so sorry that this is not updated frequently...

I wanted to blog today but I'm just too tired as i'm jammed up with work...

Hopefully I'll be fully recharge and there will be one this thurdays.. I'll try my best

take care people


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Snapping out of it

Me : hey mom.. Sorry, I couldn't be back tomorrow for your Birthday.

Mom : Its okay, just concentrate on your studies alright

Me : I will try my best la... The next two weeks is going to be hell with tons of work to be done. I
really need a break after that.

Mom : What try your best? You MUST do your best... Don't just fret.. Look at your dad, sometimes he is free and sometimes troublesome customers hogs him for days or week... Everyone is busy but its up to you yourself whether you want to make the best out of it or not. get it or not?


Yea... I will and must do my best..

Sometimes, when i need some people to wake me up, my family still works best for me. I am tired now but at least i know my parents want to see me doing well.. especially my mom...

Okla... I've told you how busy I am rite but you'll never know till you see my schedule rite.. okay.. here it is

13/10 Monday BM presentation and Calculus test 3
14/10 Tuesday BM essay test and Entrepreneurship Presentation

17/10 Friday Calculus Quiz 8, Aiesec presentation and Programming assignment dateline
18/10 Saturday Programing test 2
19/10 Sunday Aiesec's Last general training for the sem and LC Jalan Jalan
20/10 Monday Statistic Test 1

23/10 Thursday Minor in Management test 2
24/10 Friday Statistic assignment 2 dateline

25/10 Hopefully I am still well and healthy...hahahaha

Okla... let make it this way okay.... I'll put in my maximum effort for the two weeks just for you mom since its your birthday.. Usually i do it for myself but now, why not as a "birthday" gift since i can't make it back home tomorrow, I do it for my mom... I'll promise you I will do my best.. not try...

Happy Birthday Mom... love you lots!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Reality : Face it or Deny it

Hey fellas....

Its 2.34 am now and my work is no where near done for the next two weeks....
My schedule is hectic due to some #$%& lecturer who doesn't know how to set exam time. She even screwed up my study plan and all I have left is the clock ticking loudly with every second passing by faster and faster.

Actually i have two choices, either to face it where i have to study round the clock or just live in the state of denial thinking that every little thing is going to be alright and I just have to sleep back and chill...

oh my... two weeks seems like two months....

the time isn't enough for me to prepare and yet the time is too much for me to stand...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

October Rush...

My short break had come to an end....
And its time to go back to the campus...
to the place where sea breeze greets me when I'm messed up,
and where the blazing sun shines on me when I'm down....

I do like my varsity life a lot, especially due to the fact that I am with the best group of people at the best time in the arguably best varsity in the nation. But why am I so tired of going back there. I guess there is only one reason which is the next two months will be pretty hectic for me. I have a total of 5 test, 2 assignments and 1 presentation to be done in 3 weeks time and two weeks later after that, I will sit for my first ever formal examinations after my STPM last year.

And everything will start tomorrow when I step into the bus back to the island in the sun. One thing for sure, I know I will be a different person tomorrow onwards. I knew this holiday wouldn't bring me much effort in studies, hence i used it to do some self reflection instead besides the studying la of course. I knew I have a lot of disadvantage compared to my coursemates. I dont have as much energy in them and furthermore, I dont think I have as much passion in statistics compared to them.

For every lowpoint, there must be a way to counter them. First of all, I still have to accept the fact that I'm different as my journey to the uni needs me to cross a long and winding journey. I will be more appreciative of my situation then anyone else and I still do at this very moment. And more importantly, I am here for a reason, which is to find a reason to be in the society. I may not have much interest in statistic but I can still study hard for me to enter into geophysics next time. I still and have to work hard to get into the best situation.

Now that everything seems to be good, I still cant be contented because good ain't best. Probably with this attitude will have an upperhand among the rest... probably.... Another thing which my old schoolmates told me can be an upperhand is my La Sallian way of life, the faith, zeal and community.

After some musings, I realised that I am already living the la sallian way subconsciouly. And believe it or not, it is the only thing which makes us different from the pack. This should be nice and yea, October Rush should be fine.. I've been through hectic months this year like February in Citrus,so this shouldn't be a problem. The only thing different is mental fitness which plays a big part this month compared to physical fitness and Optimism needed last february.

So am I prepared? I hope I am and I will by the time i wake up tomorrow because work waits for no man and success is for one to grab. Furthermore, I know there is someone with me although she lives 500km away but still, she will be able to give me the spirit and mentality needed to face the rush...

October rush, here I come.....

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

World, Hold On

Hi fellas.... Hows life treating you all so far...
Mine was pretty good and I got feeling this may last a long long time....
Though varsity life is still gonna be hectic as ever, but at least I am happier now. Together with this kind of positive energy, hopefully i will pull through the adrenaline rush for the months of October and November....

So as I told you in the last blog, I was going to attend some leadership development seminar (LDS) organized by Aiesec in USM rite... Yeap, I've been there and looking forward to more of it in the future. This camp really gave me some great insights on what I really am at this very moment. And its now that i realise that I still have a lot to learn.
You may say I've been to or facilitate numerous Leadership Training camps... first one in form 2 up till LTC in form 6 and even the National Service. But truth to be said, training then isn't the same as this one in the varsity level.

It is this moment in this camp I knew, I know almost nothing...

Come on.. after 13 years of education and you are telling me that you've learn no leadership or what-so-ever? Isn't this a little absurd? Okla, its not like zero but those things aren't practical anymore especially when I've reached the unversity level.

At the very first session of LDS, I begun to humble myself and learn from square one again. And yes, I am going to change again....
I think people like kee cheong will know that I had a drastic change once in lower six. Well, lets take this as an "improvement" or "fine-tuning" then... So dont worry, Wai Soon/wilson is still here to stay. So what did the Aiesec LLDS really did to make me consider another make over?



So BASICALLY (ahem, i think those fellas from LLDS will be laughing when they see this word),
Aiesec is something really new to me. The way and approach they teach you how to lead is completely different. Well, they will make you think critically on extremely sensitive world issue. Actually this is the most interesting part and I enjoyed it the most. These sessions, which are called "world cafes" are good for me in the sense I can really give my thoughts without siding or irritating others as the rest are doing the same. After some world cafe sessions, I think they realise that my thoughts are actually kinda liberal and rebellious at times... All thanks to the teachings of Ernesto Che Guevara who challenge people to think big from other people's point of view.

Next up, there new things include a management simulation which require us to "manufacture and sell burgers" to extremely demanding customers. Now this is new for me and for the first time, I didnt have the urge to take charge on it as I know i'm still in the learning process here. The cultural simulation was fun too. Though it is less challenging but the things we learned are as much as the management simulation.

I can't elaborate much because I know others wont be able to understand it as you really have to see it ourself. Thank god LLDS comes early for me. If not, I really would have think that my leadership learning process was long done and I will have trouble coping with the new leadership styles in the uni next time in the future...

Trying to be as humble as can be, I will learn from scratch again and hopefully in 3 months time, I will be a full fledge leader...

anyway, here is some photos of my campz...hehe

Here are the only guy participant in the LLDS



This is Mcdonalds at 3.00AM




Okay.. thatz all from me fellas.. I've just came back from KL btw and its already 3 now... Hence world, hold on, and brace ourself for the new improved me in 3 months time....

cyaz people and take care

Monday, September 22, 2008

Walk With Me

Ah, finally I'm free to get back to the cyberspace once again. I've just finished my calculus test 3 hours ago and I know you may think its in the afternoon now... Nope.. its 1.00 am.. we have night tests in USM... its pretty common to have test on nights and weekends here... even on sundays... haha

For the past week, it has been work all day and night. Assignments, test, and more assignments came in. It is like I wonder when will this pile of work gonna end, another heap came along... its gonna be crazay by next month. During thi process, I found another part of myself though... A part which I dont know but others can see.... and of all things, its selflessness...

Frankly speaking. To be selfless or not hasn't been quite an issue back in St Mikes. Probably we are so closely knitted that helping others had been second natured to most of us, especially the pure Mikez. When I came to uni, I can't sit still looking at other people struggling with their work. Altough I was struggling especially during the first 2 weeks in USM, i just can't keep my eye blind towards people who are in need...

However, I was aware of one thing..
Others are keeping silent when they see me struggling back then... i have to find my solution and work my arse off to catch up and no one is willing to lend a hand. Why am I helping them now? Especially when it comes to issues like studies, everyone work as an individual unit. Probably the others thought that in the uni, we need to work to the top and beat the rest....

erm.. beat the rest?...
This isn't the old Scottish Examination System you know where people need to get to the top few percentage to graduate with an Honours degree. We all can get first class honours together.. Yea, all 22 of us and why dont we start working TOGETHER now? I still remember GuoJian fret once in the class last year, I remember he said something like this...

"Hey people, why wanna keep everything to yourself, Isn't it nice if we all get 4.o together?"

If I'm not mistaken he was refering to the trials paper from other school which some of the classmates isn't circulating and keeping it to themself. Okay, back to the idea, which is plain simple and beautiful, ain't it better if we gain equal success together. When my coursemates asked why I share out so many insider information which i found in the internet myself with them. I know i can always have an upper hand but I am the type of person who wants people to gain as much as I know and hopefully, they will share theirs too... I like to gain success but it will be better if my friend gain it as well, right?


"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.


Ever since I took the first step, my friends here are more willing to share their insiders with me, as they realise the real advantage is sharing and not keeping things to yourself which only you yourself think its a secret weapon... of course, its good to keep some tricks up ur sleeves la sometimes.. haha


thatz all from me... I think my next post onward will be with pictures as I brought my camera... Next Stop, LLDS Aiesec!!

cyaz and remember.... selflessness never kills!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Change, We Can Believe In

For constant readers of wilsonng.cjb.net, I am sure you know I tried real hard to keep my blog as non-political as possible. However, people usually asked me since I'm so into the political development of Malaysia, how come you don't have any comments at all? Am I just an observer? Frankly speaking, I was never an observer but I've always feared the cyber law of malaysia would put me into trouble if constantly keep on doing blogs as such.
There is a first for everything, but I dont think this post will be as radical as you think. Just the two cents of my mind.

Before we get on with the "hot" issue, I would like to measure how Malaysian I'm in the first place. I am a chinese bloke, who follows malay pop culture and eats indian food 60% of the time... Aik, it sound like I am pretty jumble up (or rojak), thatz what being Malaysian all about! If you say I am racist, I can't be coz I am a mixture of 3 races all together. But if we hate or despise some race based party, we will be labelled as racist. How can this be?... if a person dislikes a certain party, it means that he/she dislikes the administration of the party and the people in it... not because he/she hate the origin of the party's admintrators.


These few days had been quite a rollercoaster ride for Malaysian Politics. With a RPK, Teresa Kok and Tan Hoon Cheng being nabbed by ISA, it makes us ponder, are Malaysian politics as stable as it claims? If you don't know what ISA was initially used for, let me enlighten you a little... It was actually used to control the Communist during the Emergency period. Now, you be the judge whether ISA is still relevent now since its enactment at 1948.. Dude, its 60 years later and we are still using it? You may say our First Class neighbour Singapore also has the ISA but you must know one thing, they are using it to nab Jemaah Islamiah Terrorist and not some reporter from some newspaper!

I always say that Malaysia ain't a place for Malaysian chinese anymore. All of my friends agreed except for one who challenged me to think, Jess. " Do you think that this issue is a race issue or a national issue?" To ponder about it, she sounds right. We chinese ain't the only one feeling the pain. In fact, even our Malay and Indian counterparts are feeling the same. Malaysian Chinese aren't not the only one deprived from equal opportunities. The Bumis in the out-skirts arent benefiting much from the goverment and ever since the Hindraf, we know how badly deprived the indians are.

So in a nutshell, Malaysia is "non-inhabitant" anymore?!

This is a serious matter. Its impossible that a land with resources such as petroleum and palm oil can't develop good enough for 27 million people. I think what my dad says itz true sometimes, we dont look like a country that produce petrols.. lol... I think we will be dead if the oil really runs out one day. Most of the malaysian are living in a state of denial. Especially those who are ruling the country. However, most of up are waking up to see the truth. If an admin who punishes the "person who cried fire and leave the arson on the loose", we know the admin is pretty screwed up as they dont even know who is right and who is wrong.

I would like to take the US as the benchmark here... the americans had become so liberal and open, they even voted the first Black presidential canditate to run for presidency... Come on, a place like US had racial sagregation once had heal through time. How about Malaysia?.. when is our turn to truly become Malaysian. Frankly speaking, I dont like to label myself as chinese, I prefered to be labeled as a Malaysian instead because I am born here, not in China.

So will there be a change which we can believe in? I hope there is and I feel its coming, really soon...

Be Malaysian, Do the Right Thing.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Confessions of an Analytical Mind

Dilemmas,
Unnecessary stress,
Sleepless nights,
Unexplainable headache........

All these problems got to origin from somewhere. And i always think that its from my external locus of control, which means external factors. But the source of everything is quite simple..

Its all in my head!

The problem is i analyse my surroundings too much. I always think it is better to think 10 steps ahead, then i will be at least a few step ahead of the rest. This is good, providing it involves around work only. But because it had been my in practise since 3 years ago. It had assimilated into the way i live too. Sometimes I tend to analyse over things which seems so trivial to others. And it gets worst when that particular "thing" involves major changes in my life. I will think a few steps ahead from the rest and I'll just keep it to myself to muse.

The most recent situation should be my dilemma over UTP and USM. But the verdict had been finalised, I will stay put in USM and no more changes will be done. It is simply because UTP won't accept Degree Intake on the January intake, so I would wanna waste one year to wait till July next year and continue from scratch because it will take me a total of 5 years to finish my engineering degree... My god, then its equivalent to a Medical Degree!!

The funny thing is this, 2 hours after I decided I am staying put in USM, The Ministry Of Higher Education announce USM as an Apex university(Accelerated Programme for Excellence) , making it the most eligible varsity in the nation. Then i told myself this, is this a sign from up above or what? Whatever it is, at least it will brighten up my dreams.
I know most of you will think that I've already give up on my dreams when I say I'm staying put...

Hell NO!

I will try my best to enter GeoPhysics next year in April. Of course, the search of great power comes great sacrifices. I need a good result in order to change courses in USM. I just hope that it being an Apex now wouldn't deter me from getting into the course.

However, if I still can't get into GeoPhysics, I'll stay put in Stats and make the best out of my situation. Life got to move on la.... So it is just that simple.. why did I ever think it is that complicated in the first place...

Keep it simple and take one step at a time...

Hence, having an analytical mind have its consequences at times.. In fact most of the time because we ain't working 24-7 rite....

I shall learn to keep my social life simple but I wont loose my analytical mind either as someday, it will have a cutting-edge againts the rest..


sorry for any typo or grammatical mistakes.. its pretty "early" in the morning now.. you know what I mean

Friday, August 29, 2008

Jaded

At a mamak stall nearby for dinner.....

Xin Yi : You look kinda stress bro after the sem break.


Me : Do I? Or do you mean I look very relaxed before this? haha..( faking laughs)

Xin Yi : No lah, you looked tired, thatz all. Pretty busy huh in uni.

Me: Yea, I guess so........


Busy? Ain't I busy all my life? In school, in sixth form, in the band, in Citrus. But i had always keep up with a smile and hope people will at least think that every little thing is gonna be alright. But why so tired lately. I know Venodth will say the same old "Why so Serious?" phrase when he sees me like this. Haha...

A lot of things had been running in my head. I tried to delay those problems but I know sooner or later reality will just smack me right on my face. I ain't tired because of all the assignments and stuff. I am not physically tired either. Whatz bothering me is my mental fitness I think. I don't think i have to tell anyone about how am I lately before this but just for the sake of the blogsphere, I will just tell you whatz bothering me now. After all, here is the place where I can Unmasked, just like the title header.

I think most of my friends know what my true ambition is. Which is to be a Petroleum engineer or scientist. When I first step into USM, I've already put a lot of effort to let my dreams go by and concentrate on becoming a statistician in the future. Everytime when i sit in front of the computer to do my assignment, I tell myself that this is so just not me. I am a hands on person. I like to get my hands dirty when I am doing my work. I am not the type of people who sits around some cubicle in some office doing computer-generated-work. In fact, ever since I was young, I was exposed with all those engineering life by people telling me that the most successful person in the world are those who is willing to get their hands dirty and do their work, not those who sit in some cosy office and boss people around. The "office" time will come when we work to the top of the engineering level.

Statistic?, My hands are clean...haha...

Okla, this is a bad joke as my coursemates are taking it as well. Actually all this were brought back up during the Kampar UTAR trip last week when i met up with William who is on Petronas Scholarship doing Petroleum Engineering in UTP. When he talks about Shell, Petronas, ExxonMobil, and Schulmberger. It caught my attention on. These are the companies I used to aimed for last time for my future. When he explains about how drilling works and the oil supply of the world are still in mass abundance,I was pretty intrigue and it makes me reminisce about my old days in sixth form telling people why i wanna study things like GeoPhysics next time in the varsity.

Now, the problem is this.... Should I go ahead with my dreams and leave my friends behind here in USM or should i save time, stay put in USM instead and continue the life I have now. Life now is not bad, but the problem is the dilemma i always have in my head whether should I go on or not. I kinda have a few sleepless nights since the meeting with William. Everynight, i will muse for sometime about it before I sleep and before i know it, it is way passed bedtime already. Every morning I told myself to wake up from my dreams and shrug the dilemma away for the next day.

But in actual fact, how many more days can I do this? Application for UTP is going to open in 2 to 3 months time. If i still can't decide by then whether to stay put in USM or go to UTP, I will have a bigger headache. Another option is to apply into geophysics in USM. That will give me what I wanna study and in the ideal varsity of my choice. But being in that situation will have a hefty price to pay, I got to study my head off to get a high CGPA in my current course and then catch up with the studies in GeoPhysics if i get accepted into. And the most expensive price is, I waste one year in USM.

A lot of people told me that one year ain't much to bear. But when you see your friends being in second year and you still stuck in first, I'm sure you feel uneasy but thatz the price to pay for being in the best situation. Life as a Malaysian Chinese isn't easy. A lot of paths aren't for us to decide, such as getting into a good course, in a good varsity but entirely not our choice. These kind of situation are what that mess up your sanity.

So do I still look tired to you? If yes, you will know why...
and one more thing, deep intervention sought here, please feel free to comment,
if you wanna smack me to reality, go ahead too.. I can handle.. haha..

cyaz....

Thursday, August 14, 2008

First Step

People always say that the first step is the hardest.
It is true, because it involves courage, guts and calculated risk. But once you made it, the rest just falls into place.

As you read from my last post, you know, I HAD a really hard time here. I was just a 'gaijin' in this part of the world where no one speaks my language . Initially, I found a group of Banana Republicans, but somehow or rather, its hard to mix with them as they are from the different faculties...

4 days later, I got fed up of eating and seating alone in the lecture hall. I am a social creature back in high school.. I know I can die without interaction. So I went and join my coursemates and today, I roughly have 12 to 15 new friends which can be considered closed enough to work and cling together for the next 3 years.

Assimilating in the group was tough. I admit I have a bad memory but when it comes to mandarin names, it got worst!.. Then i found out I wasnt the only one having problems remembering their name. Even the chinese speaking people have some problem as everyone's name sounds the same..haha.. Mine was the easiest to remember, Wilson. The name got so marketable because it was the only English name around. So when the people from Maths school calls my name, everyone knows roughly who the bloke is.

Till now, I speak minimal english around here except with my roommate and michaelians. I can't speak in a full sentence these days as my mandarin is still pretty bad. Surprisingly, Cantonese is still conversable here.. People from KL, Kuantan and Kemaman are able to speak perfect cantonese. The Penangites just follow through la... Luckily they dont speak hokkien that often coz if they really do, I'll die.. haha...

My new bunch of friends was kinda different la.. Jokes were different, topics weren't the same as SMI and even the wavelength is somehow different..haha.. But after a day or two, I began to assimilate into the group of new buddies. To judge whether you "are" in the group or not is simple... just check whether you can laugh at their jokes or not.. If you can, you are in!
It is a weird parameter but it is pointless when you join into a group of people where you can't
even share their laughter. If you cant do that, how can you even share the hardtimes together?

People from my course are kinda cool la. Apparently I was told by my seniors that Stats students are the most happening among the 5 majors in the Maths school along side with the Operational Research (OR) students. No wonder the Stats and OR student always claim the exco post for the maths school.
I did my observations la.
The Pure Maths student never talks, and always work alone.
Mathematical Modeling students are the "loud" type of people.
Mathematics Econs student are more like human but there are a lot of small clusters among them.
Stats and OR always cling together in the big group and do almost everything together.
Probably this is what they called happening la. In SMI i was in the "happening ones" and in USM, I'm glad to be in it too..haha...

"People usually add years to their life, but not life to their years"

To live a meaningful life, be happening... haha.. okla.. i think i got to go now. Its getting late and I need to walk back to my room..lol....btw..Here is the list of the new found friends with the names on it so you will know why I have tough times remembering their names..haha...

Gwee - roommate/Muar/ management
Min Sheng - Muar / Stats
Jian Hau - Ipoh/ Stats
Sheng Er - Ipoh/ Stats
Hoon Ching - Kemaman, Terengannu/ OR
Kam - Kuantan/ Stats
Kelly - Melaka/ Stats
Su Qing - Penang / Chemistry
Gui Song - Penang/ Bio
Jia Yu - Ipoh/ Education
Ee Kee - Penang/Stats
Chee Yan - Penang/Stats
Xiang Yi - Seremban/ Stats
Hui Yean - KL/ OR
Choon Quan - Penang/ OR
Tung Hui - Penang/ OR
Wei Bin - Kulim/ OR
Khairy - Penang/Stats
Ah Tong (he is a malay btw) - Penang/ Stats
Chen Leng - Penang/ Maths & Econ
Eng Sim - Penang/ Maths & Econ
Xin Yi - Klang/ Accountancy
Xin Hau - Penang / Maths & Econs...

if you wondering how i manage to remember... I have their phone number in my HP..haha.. thatz a method la... okla... i gtg now.. BTW, if i missed out anyone, I'm really sorry and please give me your phone number too... lol..

cyaz...
and I am finally coming back to ipoh... Saturday afternoon...

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Away From The Pack

Hey people... whatz up?.. Its me blogging from some cybercafe opposite USM.


This is the first time i'm able to get a internet connection long enough for me to blog after a week. There are free internet service in the varsity library but there are many restrictions such as youtube, malaysiakini and onemanga, and its only free for 30 minutes. you can't do much besides research.





My life in USM so far is considered quite hectic. Its understandable because I've missed 2 weeks of classes and I need to catch up with my coursemates ASAP.... I just had my calculus quiz last friday and another test is coming up on the opening day of the Olympics. So basicly when other people take one step at a time, i probably have to take 2.





We second intakers do have an advantage though. We are basicly tougher. Yea yea, I know its hard to believe but at least we wont take things for granted anymore. When i first step into the uni, I knew if I have to add life to my years, this is the time because I realised last time i only add years to my life and not the other way round.





I always had been out of luck and never even shine once in my school life. Perhaps USM is a stepping stone for a late bloom. One of my new motto which I wanted to hold on to was to be ahead of the others. But when i stepped in, I was already 2 weeks behind!!!





How am I going to break away from the pack when I'm just at the begining of the journey? Last monday I was 14 days late... Today I'm probably 8 days late... I am catching up as you see but this ain't easy... Hopefully by next monday I'm on par with them. Whether this will remain a fantasy or reality its depends on my will....





lol... Sometimes I really wonder am I doing the right thing being here with this kind of spirits. It may just be an unreachable dream. but then I said to myself again. Its never wrong to dream an impossible dream because being able to dream it is the first step towards making the dream a reality.





Therefore, breaking away from the pack is still very possible.





okla.. i got to go now de... its gonna rain soon i guess.. haha... btw... here is a pic of my faculty.



School of Mathematical Sciences


pretty nice huh.... its kinda new compared to the rest... I try to get more pics next time... cyaz people.. and take care

Monday, July 14, 2008

this little part of my life....

how did I fared in the past 4 week?
If I've been telling you I'm okay last time.... sorry, I lied....

I wasn't OK, but I wasn't dead either. People most likely think I will be depressed. But surprisingly, I wasn't either. I was just impatient and sometimes angry at myself. I was becoming nocturnal at first because I hope the day passes by faster as somehow or rather I always thought the night goes by faster then the day... silly huh... Being nocturnal doesnt makes me a Dark Knight. I soon became an insomniac after that. Scary huh, all within a month of being left alone in Ipoh waiting for the appeals.

During all these sleepless nights, there was one fine night I thought to myself."Since I don't have the mood to study or work, why don't i use this one month time to reflect at myself what I've done that brought me into this situation and how I can actually rectify it. It sounds kinda tough but its do-a-ble.

The biggest problem with me is walking the talk. I'm the one among my friends who actually have big dreams and the one most unlikely to achieve anything is also me myself.. haha, it really sounds cynical at time but its actually a problem. The first time I ever walked the talk is this year when I was working in Citrus and for the first time till now, I believe I can endure hardship not just literally, but practically as well.

When i looked myself in the mirror, I told myself I wasn't fine. But its better for me to be not fine now then to be not fine years later when I'm old. I'm young and I can still pick myself up. And every fall makes a man stronger....

Its kinda weird during this period too. I've came out with silly ideas or quotes which I think that can help me. Probably it did worked out after all... here are two of it..

"God only help those who help themselves"
With this line, i picked up my reading habit again as I thought God would rather help a person who made full used of his time rather then one who sits down aimlessly waiting for something to happen.

"How do you define a try? A try is something which is EXPECTED to fail but if you do succeed, you are a real man"
Wow, this is my personal favorite. I dunno where i got this... I think it came out of my day dream or something like that... haha... So if the appeals was just a try, its is something which I expected to fail but if i do succeed, I can tell the whole world I did pull through the mental endurance....

And today... It finally came.
0945 Hours,
I got my results and gained entry to University Sains Malaysia, Bsc. in Applied Statistics.
It wasn't my choice but the if uni is good and the course is not too shabby, I'm contented.
I consider myself pretty lucky to get into USM as most people in the forum either get into the sub urban varsities or didn't get anything at all... In fact, only around 6 of us in the forum got through the appeals. Most of them failed.

God probably told me to wait a little longer so I can strengthen myself be more grateful in my life next time. Because for wilson ng, nothing comes easy in life.And because I took Sixth Form for granted, i probably paid all my dues now.
In this 1 month, I had indeed been living through the very famous Forest Gump Theme by John Williams. Full of up and downs with different moods and tempo....

and I can finally tell myself I've found this very little part of my life called
Happiness...

The Pursuit of Happiness is based on the true story of Christopher Gardner, a family man struggling to make ends meet, the film takes some liberties with Gardner's actual story.
This is the ending, when he is being told that he got the job. The emotions can be seen clearly on Smith's face. Lovely scene, Very nicely done by Will Smith. This is my favorite scene of the movie.

of course... I wouldn't had done it without the support of my friend and especially, my family. thanks and Penang, here I come.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

After Dark

"When you tried your best but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want, but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
stuck in reverse"
~coldplay~

Did you realise something about my blog all these years. There ain't many good news. In fact, its so little, its almost negligible. And i thought, for that split second, I can finally deliver some good news to all of you from my side. But in actual fact, this is indeed the worst news I have to deliver so far. I had reach a new low in my life. I couldn't get accepted to any local varsity. its indeed the darkest hour of my life to be frank.

Yeap, the thing which I had been so passionate for the past few months had to come to such an end. It may sound like the end but just to think back, It is kinda the end of the world already for me.

I am a student,
My only objective is to graduate,
and I can't even reach it.

On that night, sms were pouring in.
"Heyz, I got into USM/UM. Heyz I got my first choice. Go and check la and tell me the good news."
Okay, the ministry's server is finaly open. Click it and it said I flung. For that moment, I really couldn't breath. Okay.. chill, maybe the info is wrong, calm down and check again.
One more time reality hits me again..........

I dont really know how should I be feeling that time. Sad, disappointed or angry? I was just plain shock.Its not like i've applied for First tier courses like Medic or Chem Eng. Its GeoPhysics and my CGPA was way higher then the requirement. In fact, my cgpa was kind of in a comfortable zone for majority of the courses I've applied. Pretty much in despair, I didnt sleep the whole night. Just when i thought the war is over and the battle is won, I still have to march on to the battle field again for the very last time. This time is going to be tough, because it is a lone journey.

I've actually given up even on the last battle and waiting for deportation. But it is my dream to get in to a university. If i give up now, will I be able to face my friends in the future? If i loose the will to fight on, can I stand up on both feet again? If i got a dream, I should cling to it until the very end. You shouldn't loose your rights even in the pursuit of happiness.

"If you got a dream, protect it.
Never let anyone tell you can't do it, not even me"
~chris gardner~

This excerpt from The Pursuit Of Happyness suddenly came into my mind and then, I woke up. I need to search for the light in the dark and never let anyone look down on me anymore. If it takes me ages and miles to run to make an appeal happen, I'll run and I will walk the line. I've tried hard, but maybe I have to try harder. After all, this is my last stride and it will last for another month. I've battled 2 years, what is another month to me?

If the appeal fails, which is possible, then i'll have to wait till January for MMU. I dont want to think so far yet as I need to work out July first.
I can't believe I'm saying this but, I really need your prayers, all of it. Prayers for me to get strong and persevere on, Prayers that I can get through to the university. If you love me, pray for me till you listen from me. I really need to get out this bad luck spell which is happening with me for the past few years. this is a plea and its my last resort to work out in the last stride.

Sometimes I feel I exist for others to be grateful with their current situation.
thank you and I shall promise you a blog with good news. I am still searching for this small part of my life called.............

happiness.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

of rainy days and sandy bays

Hi there. I've just got back from penang. Yea, I know it kind of inappropriate to go for a holiday now. But at least, I can take away my mind for the varsity entrance thingie. I just dont know why must we wait so bloody long. At the end of May, The Higher Education Ministry said the results will be known within 2 weeks together with the PSD appeal results. Its already Friday the 13th today and I dont see any sign of it neither. Have they already lost their time frame?

Anyway, what the heck, just chill in the island for a while first la. Furthermore, accommodation is 101% free..haha.. When we reached penang, The island was deserted of tourist. Its understandable as holidays are over. We only saw a good number of singaporeans as they just started their semester break. So don't even think about pretty girls clad in swimsuit, We will never find one..haha..

Our first destination was Muka Beach. Lol, some of us got tricked thinking it was a chill-out bar like The Beach in Jalan Sultan Ismail... Here are a few reasons coming from one source. Teik tzuan made it sound like this. "Hey, wanna go to Mocha Beach? Hoy Keat said we can chill out at the beach and kick some sands".. Ok, the keyword was Mocha and Chill-Out, must be a happening place la. Everyone wore their best beach wear ( bright coloured clothings with flip-flops), except for Evon who wore office wear ( G2000 Shirt and Skirt)(Looks like she is going to sue some hunks by the beach for public display of affection, PDA..haha.. )When we reach there, we saw nothing but a USM fishery office and a deep forest. Aik, something wasn't right, and I asked Hoy Keat, where is the Mocha Place? Itz a beach la, 1 and a half hours hike from here.

Wait.... Hike?, I tot chill?.. Teik is so going to pay for this as he interpreted the message wrongly. When I heard the word Hike, I know my body is ever ready for it thanks to my weekly hiking in Kledang but my gear isn't! I'm wearing flip flops for god sake and you want me to trail the forest?! But anyway, we did it either. Its funny to see a bunch of rowdy fellas trek the jungle with sandals. Some of us wore as if they are going to Queensbay Mall, while the guys looks like we are going to pasar malam... alamak...
The starting of the trail, You think its that built up along the trek, you are totally wrong!
Yeap, this is the first 5 minutes of the trail. Wait till it ends, 1 hour 30 mintes later..haha

First, we have planks on our path, then rocks and finally, boulders, fallen trees and mud. Some of us clearly aren't ready for it. Kho Kaa nearly fainted and some people nearly fell because there aren't enough traction in our sandals. Its indeed a challenging hike. Our guide, Hoy Keat's mat salleh friend, Mark went off so fast, we ended up trailing the forest ourself. There are some obstacle which seems so unpassable made us think that we are lost. Anyway, there are no turning back as we are so deep in and we are losing daylight. Our only hope is Cheon Yuen's basic instinct and some loose trails along the way... when we thought we were lost, we saw a path ahead of us
YATAA!!!! we finally made it. We just followed the wooden stairs and we finally reach Muka Head, Our rendezvous for the day. When we reach there, everyone was so exhausted, we just tried to find the boat and hop into it. The boat ride to mainland just took us 15 Minutes..
Dengz... 12 km walk and probably 2 km boat ride back... not proportional la wei. Anyway, we were glad that we were alive at the end of the day and yea, there wasn't any mocha or even kopi for us at the beach. Teik were held responsible for it, poor fella.

After that, the usual la, we went to gurney to have dinner and came back. Kee Cheong decided to watch Exorcism of Emily Rose on tv. Cheon Yuen was scared but held everyone hostage to watch with him. It isn't a horror movie la to start with, just a bit gory, thatz all. Some of use even fell asleep, how nice.

Next day, we went to Air Itam for some sight seeing and food. When we are in kek lok si, we used a 45 degree lift to get on the other side of the hill. Apparently, its the first of its kind but it looks kinda familiar to me..haha
we used 4 bucks to go up and see a Kuan Yin statue under contruction, how nice... lol... we decided to take some cranky photos which most of it turns out hilarious, just like this one below.
The Furious Five ( Cheon"BesiMan"Yuen, Teik"ChinaMan"Tzuan, Siew"Charlies Aunty"Wei, Kee"Gummy Bear Hulk"Cheong, and Wai "Jims Bong" Soon ) and the Serious Two (with Evon sweating away and Xuan just being herself, *blur*)

The next day was just pure relaxing on the beach and amazing race to the bus station. We manage to make it on time to the bus station with 2 minutes to spare. Like a typical Penang Trip, we ate a lot and ate non-stop. And for the first time, we made full use of Rapid Penang. Its kinda reliable but it ain't as rapid as it sounds. Probably we need something called Furious Penang or Rempit Penang, then we will have buses speeding all the way.. hahaha.

Thatz all for now. I will remember this trip as one of my last trips together with my school mate because after this, I really don't know when we will be able to meet up like this ever again. Semester breaks will differ in some Uni and some of us may be far separated from each other.

Okayz, i got to work now, Its my final 3 days in Citrus. So its back to Kan Cheong Kitchen..haha..
bye people...

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Concerto

Some of you are able to judge my "busyness" through the frequency of my blog. I won't say you are entirely wrong. I was busy for the past 4 week.

A lot of people, including some of my colleagues in citrus thought I was lazing around at home when i wasn't working. That remained a dream till now. I was busy with the band's built up to its latest edition of concert, For Wonderful Friendship 2008.

Being in the band since 2001, I've involved directly and indirectly in 4 concerts. Being a player in the first 3 edition and an emcee for the latest one. When I saw the number of hands rose up when Munming asked who is a first timer.,I really get the feeling i'm pretty aged out already. haha..

But for bandsmen who are involved in the concert, its not a one day performance job. It takes weeks of practice and also sponsorship sourcing. This time, I'm more of the behind the scene kinda guy. I wasn't there during practice days, but I'm there almost every non-practice days. The only people i interact with are the organizers.

The sponsorship wasn't as good as last time. Judging form the thickness of the advertising book, money is coming slow. In 2005, we were struck by the "tsunami" when all the residence of ipoh gave the same excuse of not giving sponsorship because they had donated it to Aceh. This year, we were struck by the Cyclone and Earthquake. Whoa, sure die la.

Probably they found another target! I hope its reachable..haha


A lot of new methods were used this time. Advertising in voteband, advertising in major newspapers. Finding back allumnis for hefty donations. The newspaper was the funny part. We had our members becoming part time models for the band.
I have to admit, this is a little cheezy..haha

I've went to many schools and even help to promote in some of it. Trust me, 1 out of 3 schools i went don't understand what I said. I have to deliver once in English, then Cantonese and later on thier band leader does it in mandarin. Yikes, english command outside the City Centre is still in critical conditions. To be a people's person in malaysia, you probably need to know at least 3 languages.

But my biggest challenge yet for this edition of concert is becoming an Emcee. Aik...
Though I have no stage fright, but I also have zero experience as an Emcee... Everything was so awkward. But with good and workable partners, I've pull it through.. Its not a good job le I would say, but its pass-a-ble la i guess... The post-emcee-ing duty still gives me goosebumps sometimes. I guess it will take sometime to forget about it. But indeed it was a great experience. At least i've risen my benchmark from hosting 450 people to 1000 people.


Will the real slim shady please stand up?
Reminds me of the good old days. Well, this aren't my generation either.

Okla.... thatz all for now... My next blog will be up either on the penang trip or my Uni Results... I'm actually kinda worried for my varsity entrance now... very worried indeed.. life just have to go on...


Sunday, May 18, 2008

Miles Away

Welcome to the new site.
Its better and more interactive here compared to the one provided by friendster.
I was reluctant to change it here because my friends wont be able to get an update through their e-mails like the one i had in friendster.

I've actually stop working for about a week now and I seriously don't have a clue how you guys out there spend your time lazing around at home.. haha..
Every morning I wake up, thinking hard how to spend my entire day. The plus point is I wake up late, means I've already spend my morning.. haha. but the tough thing is how am I actually going to use up all my time during the day. It was fun during the first few days because I had so many things on my mind which I want to do at home during my stint in Citrus. However, as time goes by, I ran out of activities.

I couldn't sleep well either these days. It kinda reminds me of the days 3 months back when i was waiting for my results. My varsity entrance results seems miles away. Everyone got their offers from Singapore or overseas but where is my Malaysian Entrance?.

Does the STPM student deserve to wait so long to know their fate after working hard for so long?

We already had wasted around 6 months not studying. You may say it is rest. A good rest will take around 3 month, anything more then that will jeopardize our motivation and productivity. And for the record, we have 6 month of rest. Does it means we have twice the rest we needed go become a better student two times better then last time. The answer is NO. Excessive rest will just put us back into square one.

Have you ever get the feeling that someone i holding your destiny and you are not in control of it. Well, we are all the same now. Our future rest in the hands of the Unit Pusat Universiti . And to add to that mental torture, we have to wait for at least another month. The matriculation results ain't out yet and their entrance is on the same time as us. If the matriculation students know their entrance within 2 months after their exams, shouldn't we get our results at least 2 months after our results?.

This is crazy and it does not make any sense at all. You may think its fun having a long holiday but seriously most of us feels like an unemployed adult.. lol...

No income, No input and No Drive.

I seriously lost much pace in studying and I don't even know how to get that back. But more importantly, its no point thinking about pace when you don't even a place to apply your pace into, which is the varsity...

I may sound frustrated. But in actual fact, I am lost, not knowing where and what am I getting into in my tertiary education which seems like miles away

cyaz people