After Dark

"When you tried your best but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want, but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
stuck in reverse"
~coldplay~

Did you realise something about my blog all these years. There ain't many good news. In fact, its so little, its almost negligible. And i thought, for that split second, I can finally deliver some good news to all of you from my side. But in actual fact, this is indeed the worst news I have to deliver so far. I had reach a new low in my life. I couldn't get accepted to any local varsity. its indeed the darkest hour of my life to be frank.

Yeap, the thing which I had been so passionate for the past few months had to come to such an end. It may sound like the end but just to think back, It is kinda the end of the world already for me.

I am a student,
My only objective is to graduate,
and I can't even reach it.

On that night, sms were pouring in.
"Heyz, I got into USM/UM. Heyz I got my first choice. Go and check la and tell me the good news."
Okay, the ministry's server is finaly open. Click it and it said I flung. For that moment, I really couldn't breath. Okay.. chill, maybe the info is wrong, calm down and check again.
One more time reality hits me again..........

I dont really know how should I be feeling that time. Sad, disappointed or angry? I was just plain shock.Its not like i've applied for First tier courses like Medic or Chem Eng. Its GeoPhysics and my CGPA was way higher then the requirement. In fact, my cgpa was kind of in a comfortable zone for majority of the courses I've applied. Pretty much in despair, I didnt sleep the whole night. Just when i thought the war is over and the battle is won, I still have to march on to the battle field again for the very last time. This time is going to be tough, because it is a lone journey.

I've actually given up even on the last battle and waiting for deportation. But it is my dream to get in to a university. If i give up now, will I be able to face my friends in the future? If i loose the will to fight on, can I stand up on both feet again? If i got a dream, I should cling to it until the very end. You shouldn't loose your rights even in the pursuit of happiness.

"If you got a dream, protect it.
Never let anyone tell you can't do it, not even me"
~chris gardner~

This excerpt from The Pursuit Of Happyness suddenly came into my mind and then, I woke up. I need to search for the light in the dark and never let anyone look down on me anymore. If it takes me ages and miles to run to make an appeal happen, I'll run and I will walk the line. I've tried hard, but maybe I have to try harder. After all, this is my last stride and it will last for another month. I've battled 2 years, what is another month to me?

If the appeal fails, which is possible, then i'll have to wait till January for MMU. I dont want to think so far yet as I need to work out July first.
I can't believe I'm saying this but, I really need your prayers, all of it. Prayers for me to get strong and persevere on, Prayers that I can get through to the university. If you love me, pray for me till you listen from me. I really need to get out this bad luck spell which is happening with me for the past few years. this is a plea and its my last resort to work out in the last stride.

Sometimes I feel I exist for others to be grateful with their current situation.
thank you and I shall promise you a blog with good news. I am still searching for this small part of my life called.............

happiness.